1. Figure the way each one wants to be treated and treat them that way. (Figure out each person’s language of love and speak that language to them.)
There is something about us that makes us want to do kind things for people if they do not ask for it. If they ask, then we tend to not want to give it to them. The leader ought not to be this way.
How people want you to treat them.
- A. Professional treatment.
- B. Loving treatment.
- C. Use of humor.
- D. Compliments
- E. Expression of appreciation.
- F. Offering them a special chance to help me.
- G. Seeking advice from me.
- H. Use of a note.
- I. A statement like, You’re a great guy.
- J. Request to share a burden and pray.
- L. Verbal reminder of security that you offer to them.
- M. Reminding them that you are a team.
Every person is an individual and should be treated as an individual.
Everyone needs all of these but everyone also needs one of these more than others.
Bro. Hyles has no problem with jealousy on his staff because every person has a unique relationship with him. Staff members realize this. The wise pastor realizes this.
Do not hold back legitimate expressions that people crave.
2. Know your own personality weakness and avoid situations that expose them.
- – work around it.
- – You can have a temper, yet control it.
3. Know their personality weakness and what provokes them and avoid them.
- You are better off to not try to control your faults, but work to avoid situations that expose them.
- It is silly, when you know what makes you mad (or someone else), not to go around it.
- Always take something to read when you expect that someone might be late.
4. Do not confide in them. You don’t have to tell someone your problems.
5. Give public appreciation and private scolding. This is a general policy.
6. Do not let negative people control conversation.
This may be referring to good people, not gossips or unspiritual people. These people can depress you; their glass is always half empty, not half full.
7. Do not be drawn into private skirmishes. Be an actor, not a reactor.
- Bro. Hyles never opens mail on Sat. night, in case a crank letter gets him in a bad mood.
- Leaders are not reactors.
- Do not get into a fight with one of your members. No one pulls for Goliath. When you must fight, choose the circumstances; do not be led or provoked.
8. Do not collaborate with any deacons before deacon’s meetings.
9. Let your people peek into your life, but don’t invite them in.
10. Let your people know that you have feet of clay, but don’t take your shoes off.
11. Don’t disagree publicly with what they say; don’t tell them you disagree.
12. Don’t start a sentence with a negative.
(I disagree, I can’t see that, We don’t agree on that, say, What about this?)
If you don’t tell them first that you disagree, you may have a chance to convince them later.
13. Insulate yourself against negative thought. Don’t let yourself know much that is negative. If you don’t fight back, you don’t need to know.
14. Isolate yourself. If God called you to preach, He will take care of you.
15. Have no best friend in the church, individual or couple.
16. Don’t penalize the critic.
17. Remember, you are their servant, they are not yours.
18. Never criticize them, even to your wife.
- Beverly Joyce Hyles has not heard me say one negative thing about anyone in 25 years.
19. Never write a retaliatory letter. You are not going to win by defending yourself. Folks who are your enemies are not going to be made your friends by logic. Don’t let them pull you into a scrap.
20. Never take your burden to the pulpit. Don’t mention it is there.
21. Never take your gossip to the pulpit.
22. Never take your problems to the pulpit.
23. Don’t attack or retaliate from the pulpit.
- One reason I don’t fight back is most of the time, I don’t know there is a fight going on.
- My people don’t need a defeated me, they need a victorious me. Therefore, I need to be around victory all week long.
- You’ll come nearer defeating your enemy by ignoring your enemy.
- The battle is the Lord’s
- God didn’t call you for self-defense, He called you for His defense.
I never just sit around and chat- N- E- V -E – R, never!